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2003-04-16 | 8:02 a.m.

Ya know, Diary, it's entirely possible to love someone without actually laaaaav-ing someone. Like, there's this one boy that I love for a specific reason. Just that one single, but very important reason. He can wear his brain on the outside of his head if he wants to. On the totally tippy top outside of his head and it doesn't look bad atall. It has pictures, and sounds and smells, all glowing and flickering and wafting up and away from his head, very pretty sometimes, other times quite ugly but I still wanna see. He's turning out to be a superb little conveyor belt ride in the airport that's become my life.

The noise is playing in surround sound. The colors are brilliant. The clarity is beyond compare. No spoken word is needed, since he can show me everything with letters and spaces. Everything and nothing at all. Depends on his mood. Depends on how many uv rays he's been catching lately, and on how much he's had to eat this morning. Honestly, I'm not sure about what exactly it all depends on, but there is something.

That's what makes him unique. That's why I love him, not laaaaaaaava him. To secretly esteem him, appreciate his specialness, find a pleasant suprise in him again and again without giving myself away. There's nothing left to give, Diary. Not right now. This will have to be enough for me. Right? Right.

Diary, there should be more girls like Theresa out in the world. More girls that are looking for ways to make life around them more fun, more positive, even in the face of terrible depression and loneliness. She won't allow you to wallow while she's around. She just makes you come along and live whatever you have left. She cares enough. She's still young.

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Miss These?

absence of life - 2003-07-28
death cake - 2003-07-08
I won't let this age me. - 2003-07-06
Goodbye Jeffrey - 2003-06-19
Thanks but no thanks. - 2003-06-11

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