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2002-12-02 | 8:55 p.m.

Diary, swimming was lovely. Once again, I found an open lane and just..... enjoyed it *sigh*.

Some day, I'll change. Some day, I'm going to have control of myself for an entire 24 hours. Total control. Last week I got pretty sick from all the preservatives and refined white flour and sodium. While I was able to cut back dramatically on those things, as well as increase water intake, I'm still not able to be as careful as I know I should.

Eva thinks that I shouldn't bother worrying so much about it, anyway. It's a waste of time.... sort of like cleaning the inside of your toilet clean water tank. Technically, you might take a sponge and wipe down the inside to get the algea or whatever those oogies are that cling to the inner walls of the water tank, but no one in the world beside you will know whether or not it's clean. And the water's only used for flushing the toilet bowl. She's right. As long as I don't bear a striking resemblance to Shrek, or a sizeable asteroid, I shouldn't worry.

Plentiful in energy at a size 10 or 12, but otherwise, still frustrated, knees killing me after a run or swim; that was the best I could do. Is that what I still want? To have the energy to be a REAL downer? Instead of being a floater in the eyeball of life (wow, is that where the swimming pool metaphor hides?), I can be one of those free radicals... yea. Mixing it up all for the benefit of, hmm what?

If I don't start spending a few minutes a week with positive, productive adults, I'm in danger of boring the crap out of myself.

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Miss These?

absence of life - 2003-07-28
death cake - 2003-07-08
I won't let this age me. - 2003-07-06
Goodbye Jeffrey - 2003-06-19
Thanks but no thanks. - 2003-06-11

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