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2002-11-28 | 6:12 p.m.

Diary, I've finally had enough and it's time for me to stop doing this.

One man at work, he's was always hurting. His toe got a sore on it and the dang thing gave him alot of trouble. Wouldn't heal, ached and kept him up at night. The doctor said he should consider amputation.

Recently, he's been in constant agony even with Oxycontin 20 mg. twice a day. The only thing that helps him is morphine. We're pretty sure the toe is gangrenous, so now the decision is basically cut it off or die.

I think he's had enough. He finally said to his niece ( I happen to hear them talking as I walked by the room) that he wants it off because he CAN NOT stand the pain any more.

I've had enough too. I'm making myself sick about this and it's going to stop today. The past week I've felt my heart hammering in my chest, suffered with headaches and blue funks. Work's been completely horrid and there's no end in sight, but it's even more complicated than that.

I'm going to say goodbye because there are one or two people that might be upset if I don't. If it weren't for them, I'd simply fade away quietly. There was a time, when I was obsessive about being 'nice', that I would feel guilty about doing what's right for me, but this time I know I have no other option. A person who can't swim doesn't keep diving into the deep end, right?

Now I know why people don't stay. They have to make a complete break away in order to work thru the healing process.

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